Dial Bore

Dial Bore

What Not To Say When Dating

Can You Tell the Difference Between a Psychoanalyst and a Date? No, this is not a riddle or a joke. It is amazing how many people, newly divorced or even not so newly, who cannot tell the difference. Have you heard of the film entitled The Man Who Mistook His Wife For a Hat? It was about a man who actually did mistake his wife for his hat. But strange as it may seem every day of the week people, men and woman, are making a similar mistake. They actually treat their date as though he or she were a therapist; pouring out all their troubles, dumping mounds of boring verbal garbage on a poor unsuspecting first date.

It is mainly only on first dates that this occurs, because most recipients will not risk a second meeting for fear of a repetition of this demonstration of self obsessive ignorance. How sad that this newly divorced or separated emotional cripple does not realise how boring, after the first three minutes, his verbal diarrhoea becomes. W. Somerset Maugham wrote, `The world is quickly bored by the recital of misfortune and willingly avoids the sight of distress'.

Everyone, once in a while, needs a sounding board for their thoughts or a sympathetic ear but it is wise to be mindful of how little interest is generated in someone else's troubles. He who willingly lends an ear to someone else's troubles must be either a good friend or be receiving payment by the hour.

People who cannot distinguish between a date and a therapist usually have a temporarily distorted view of the world - a loss of perspective. It is in this state of self-obsession that they appear to suffer from memory lapse. A lapse that explains how they can repetitively verbally ruminate over the same trials and tribulations.

John Kenneth Galbraith said `The happiest time of anyone's life is just after the first divorce'. And if he is to be believed one of the best cures for a newly separated lover is to get out and meet new people to take his or her mind off the old. But the exercise is a waste of time for both if their entire conversation revolves around past relationships. As well as boring your companion, dwelling on the past can be a debilitating and habit forming pastime destroying one's social skills that have been developed over many years to a level of satisfactory acceptance. Why lose those social skills in a quagmire of self-pity? After all, you will only draw to yourself that which you most persistently think about.

Dr David Schwartz, in The Magic of Thinking Big, says that over 80 per cent of our hospital beds are filled with people with `EII' (Emotionally Induced Illness). This does not mean that the people are not sick, just that their illnesses began in their minds. `As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.' was uttered by King Solomon almost 3000 years ago.

Of course many people who do mistake their date for a therapist do not do it intentionally and reflect on their evening with dismay, when they realise that their entire conversation was taken up with either berating themselves or their ex-partner over the break-up. To avoid this happening a most satisfactory method is to express one's views on paper. Write down every minute detail that has either been a constant or even the slightest irritation. No matter how long it takes. Once completed, precis it to less than half a page.

Now play games with your story. Read it out aloud with different accents; American, Chinese, Indian or French. Read it very slowly with much feeling and then very fast like a racing commentator. Read it out loudly with emphasis on key words, as though you were preaching a sermon; then in a deadpan manner as though you were languidly bored with it. Now fold up your story very neatly and tuck it into an envelope. Seal carefully and place on a high shelf in a dark cupboard; not to be aired until you feel confident that you can discuss it without emotion. It was Plato who said, `Take charge of your thoughts, you can do what you will with them'.

Should this method not work for you - you still find yourself dumping your troubles on your date as though she was a therapist - perhaps you really do require the services of a counsellor. Your local doctor will soon give you the name of a suitable therapist who will be glad to listen to your troubles while the clock ticks over like a taxi meter reminding you of the cost.

A psychologist's fee is usually about $135 and cannot be claimed on medical benefits, whereas a psychiatrist charges even more but it is claimable. Both are capable of cutting you short in mid-sentence should you dare to over-step the hour.

Of course burdening a first date with your troubles may be less expensive - especially if you are not paying for the evening - there is more time available and this date is less likely to challenge one's statements than a therapist; only because your date has probably decided after the first three minutes that you are an egotist, shut-off, and is deeply engrossed in his own thoughts. His version of an egotist is probably, `A person who is more interested in himself than in me'.

Should you continue the practise of using poor unsuspecting first dates as free therapists unless you have a never-ending supply you will eventually run out or your reputation will clear the path as all `first dates' run for cover at the sound of your name. Can you see yourself saying? `I'm glad you don't recognise me. I'd rather have you like me for myself'.

For those who are newly separated or inexperienced at dating:

1 Decide beforehand what benefits you wish to attain from your evening. Do a list perhaps including:

• getting to know as much as possible about your companion
• to be entertained by your companion
• an evening of light-hearted gaiety and laughter

2 Plan how you wish to achieve these objectives; eg.

• ask questions about his career, family, hobbies and interests
• encourage him to tell you about amusing incidents that have been memorable throughout his life.
• relate your most amusing story and encourage him to do the same, tease him a little and if you are able to laugh at yourself tell him of some of your most amusing feaux pas.

3 Afterwards rate your success out of ten. Write out some helpful hints as to how you could improve your chances of a perfect evening next time or with the next first date.

Chances are that your first date will have enjoyed the evening too and be keen to continue the friendship. Part of your enjoyment will be derived from the satisfaction of being able to hold the attention of and entertain your companion. Because remember in a great romance, each person basically plays a part that the other really likes.

Rosalind Baker is the Principal and Founder of Entre Nous Introduction Agency, Melbourne, Victoria, Australia, and author of 3 best sellers, Dial A Woman, Dial A Man and Dial A Personality To find out: Your Personality Type, or to find out", Are You Eligible" or "Are you ready for a relationship?" visit: www.singles.net.au

 

About the Author

Rosalind Baker's professional commitment to 'match making' is well into its second decade, although she has always possessed that innate ability to pair people off. She even introduced her ex-husband to his next wife!
Having established Entre Nous: Relationship Consultants & Educators in 1991 she has now lost count of the number of relationships the organisation has helped to establish.
While there have been many 'fly-by-night' introduction agencies over the past two decades in Melbourne, Entre Nous has stood the test of time. This is due, in no small part, to the professionalism and passion of Rosalind Baker.
She has written three best sellers. The first, 'Dial A Woman' offers advice to Australian men on how to choose the right partner and then maintain a successful relationship.
The obvious sequel, 'Dial A Man' advised women on how to recognise and attract the man of their dreams. While writing her third book, 'Dial a Personality', she realised she had discovered the successful formula for matching couples.
As a journalist Rosalind has written extensively on social affairs and women's issues and is a well-known social commentator on courtship.
Rosalind has been the delegate representing Australian and New Zealand at the International Institute of Introduction Services.
She is a keen follower of the Arts and supports Opportunity International.
She had four children and with her new husband, Tom Baker, they now have 11 grandchildren between them.

Fowler 6" Cylinder Dial Bore Gauge. Each $98.72 Manufacturer: Fowler. Each. Features Benefits: Graduation: .0005 Carbide anvils Insulated grip Spring loaded centralizing foot Complete in shop-hardened case. Customers also search for: Discount 6" Cylinder Dial Bore Gauge, Buy 6" Cylinder Dial Bore

Fowler XTENDER CYLINDER DIAL BORE GAGE - 1.4'' to 6'' Range $109.95 ? Easy to read dial gage? Graduation: .0005''? Insulated grip? Measures bore diameter to 9'' depth? Range: 1.4'' to 6''? Carbide Anvils? Fitted case included

Fowler FOW72646400 XTENDER CYLINDER DIAL BORE GAGE 1.4to 6Range $137.43 Easy to read dial gage. Graduation: .0005 . Insulated grip. Measures bore diameter to 9 depth. Range: 1.4 to 6 . Carbide Anvils. Fitted case included

Fowler FOW72646400 Cylinder Bore Gauge $137.43 Easy to read dial gage. Graduation: 0005 . Insulated grip. Measures bore diameter to 9 depth. Range: 1.4 to 6 . Carbide Anvils. Fitted case included.

Fowler FOW72646300 6in. Cylinder Dial Bore Gauge $103.62 Graduation: 0.0005 . Carbide anvils. Insulated grip. Spring loaded centralizing foot. Complete in shophardened case.

Fowler XTENDER CYLINDER DIAL BORE GAGE - 1.4 Inch To 6 Inch Range $113.75 Easy to read dial gage Graduation: 0005 inch Insulated grip Measures bore diameter to 9 inch depth Range: 1. 4 inch to 6 inch Carbide Anvils Fitted case included

Fowler W72646400 Cylinder Dial Bore Gauge 1.4 Inch To 6 Inch $137.43 Range: 1.4 6 . Carbide anvils Graduation: .0005 . Easily adjustable Selfcentering. Insulated grip Chrome plated handle. Includes extension holder and fitted case.

Ari & Bore $15.99 Ari & Bore

Dial Mfg. Dial Mfg. 3 4 in Pillow Block 6643 $4.09 3/4? pillow block For blower shaft Large oil reservoir Bronze bearings 3/4? bore Brand #: Dial Mfg. 6643 UPC: 026529664301 Keywords: pillow block bearing evaprtv cooler evaporative acces swamp accessory

Dial Mfg. Dial Mfg. 1 in Pillow Block 6664 $4.12 1? pillow block For blower shaft Large oil reservoir Bronze bearings 1? bore Brand #: Dial Mfg. 6664 UPC: 026529666404 Keywords: pillow block bearing evaprtv cooler evaporative acces swamp accessory

Dial Mfg. Dial Mfg. 3 4 in High Pillow Block 6646 $5.65 3/4? high pillow block For blower shaft Large oil reservoir Bronze bearings 3/4? bore (high rise) Brand #: Dial Mfg. 6646 UPC: 026529664608 Keywords: pillow block bearing evaprtv cooler evaporative acces swamp accessory

Dial Mfg. Dial Mfg. 1 in High Pillow Block 6656 $5.66 1? high pillow block For blower shaft Large oil reservoir Bronze bearings 1? bore (high rise) Brand #: Dial Mfg. 6656 UPC: 026529665605 Keywords: pillow block bearing evaprtv cooler evaporative acces swamp accessory

Hooghly Bore $39.99 Hooghly Bore - Giclee Print

What a Bore $24.99 What a Bore - Photographic Print

JET 321950 GH-1840ZX Large Spindle Bore Precision Lathe $18299 GH-1840ZX Large Spindle Bore Precision Lathe - 321950. 10-in 3 Jaw Chuck With Top Reversing Jaws. 12-in Independent 4-Jaw Chuck. 12-in Face Plate (16-in Models). Four-Way Tool Post. Follow Rest. Large Capacity Steady Rest. Fully Integrated Coolant System. Full Length Splash Guard and Coolant Return. Articulating Halogen Work Lamp. Centrally located controls with jog button. Threading Dial. Mounting Pads and Levelers. Spindle Sleeve (MT-7 to MT-5). Dead Center

JET 321920 GH-1460ZX Large Spindle Bore Precision Lathe $16999 GH-1460ZX Large Spindle Bore Precision Lathe - 321920. 10-in 3 Jaw Chuck With Top Reversing Jaws. 12-in Independent 4-Jaw Chuck. 12-in Face Plate (16-in Models). Follow Rest. Large capacity steady rest. Fully Integrated Coolant System. Full Length Splash Guard and Coolant Return. Articulating Halogen Work Lamp. Threading Dial. Mounting Pads and Levelers. Spindle sleeve (MT-7 to MT-5). Dead Center. Live Center

JET 321930 GH-1640ZX Large Spindle Bore Precision Lathe $17399 GH-1640ZX Large Spindle Bore Precision Lathe - 321930. 10-in 3 Jaw Chuck With Top Reversing Jaws. 12-in Independent 4-Jaw Chuck. 12-in Face Plate (16-in Models). Four-Way Tool Post. Follow Rest. Large Capacity Steady Rest. Fully Integrated Coolant System. Full Length Splash Guard and Coolant Return. Articulating Halogen Work Lamp. Centrally located controls with jog button. Threading Dial. Mounting Pads and Levelers. Spindle Sleeve (MT-7 to MT-5). Dead Center

JET 321970 GH-1880ZX Large Spindle Bore Precision Lathe $19299 GH-1880ZX Large Spindle Bore Precision Lathe - 321970. 10-in 3 Jaw Chuck With Top Reversing Jaws. 12-in Independent 4-Jaw Chuck. 12-in Face Plate (16-in Models). Four-way tool post. Follow Rest. Large Capacity Steady Rest. Fully Integrated Coolant System. Full Length Splash Guard and Coolant Return. Large Easy to Use Foot Brake. Articulating Halogen Work Lamp. Centrally located controls with jog button. Threading Dial. Mounting Pads and Levelers. Spindle Sleeve (MT-7 - MT-5). Dead Center

JET 321960 GH-1860ZX Large Spindle Bore Precision Lathe $18799 GH-1860ZX Large Spindle Bore Precision Lathe - 321960. 10-in 3 Jaw Chuck With Top Reversing Jaws. 12-in Independent 4-Jaw Chuck. 12-in Face Plate (16-in Models). Four-way tool post. Follow Rest. Large Capacity Steady Rest. Fully Integrated Coolant System. Full Length Splash Guard and Coolant Return. Large Easy to Use Foot Brake. Articulating Halogen Work Lamp. Centrally located controls with jog button. Threading Dial. Mounting Pads and Levelers. Spindle Sleeve (MT-7 - MT-5). Dead Center

JET 321980 GH-2280ZX Large Spindle Bore Precision Lathe $20999 GH-2280ZX Large Spindle Bore Precision Lathe - 321980. 10-in 3 Jaw Chuck With Top Reversing Jaws. 12-in Independent 4-Jaw Chuck. 12-in Face Plate (16-in Models). Four-way tool post. Follow Rest. Large Capacity Steady Rest. Fully Integrated Coolant System. Full Length Splash Guard and Coolant Return. Large Easy to Use Foot Brake. Articulating Halogen Work Lamp. Centrally located controls with jog button. Threading Dial. Mounting Pads and Levelers. Spindle Sleeve (MT-7 - MT-5). Dead Center

The Severn Bore $44.99 English School The Severn Bore - Giclee Print

Hudson Flex Bore Tubing $69.9 Hudson Flex Bore Tubing

Selmer Bore Oil $2.99 Selmer Bore Oil

Woodwind Bore Oil $1.5 Woodwind Bore Oil

Yamaha Bore oil $6.99 Yamaha Bore oil

Yamaha Bore Oil $6.99 Yamaha Bore oil

Healthy Adult Bore $21.99 Healthy Adult Bore - T-Shirt

JET 321940 GH-1660ZX, 16-in x 60-in 7-1/2 HP 3-Phase ZX Series Large Spindle Bore Lathe $17899 16-in x 60-in 7-1/2 HP 3-Phase ZX Series Large Spindle Bore Lathe - 321940. 10-in 3-Jaw Chuck w/ Top Reversing Jaws. 12-in 4-Jaw Chuck. 12-in Face Plate. Four-Way Tool Rest. Follow Rest. Large Capacity Steady Rest. Fully Integrated Coolant System. Full Length Splash Guard &amp, Coolant Return. Large Easy-to-Use Foot Brake. Articulating Halogen Work Lamp. Centrally Located Controls w/ Jog Button. Threading Dial. Mounting Pads &amp, Levelers. Spindle Sleeve (MT-7 to MT-5). Dead Center. Live Center. Tool Box &amp, Adjusting Tools

JET 321910 GH-1440ZX, 14-in x 40-in 7-1/2 HP 3-Phase ZX Series Large Spindle Bore Lathe $16499 14-in x 40-in 7-1/2 HP 3-Phase ZX Series Large Spindle Bore Lathe - 321910. 10-in 3-Jaw Chuck w/ Top Reversing Jaws. 12-in 4-Jaw Chuck. 12-in Face Plate. Four-Way Tool Rest. Follow Rest. Large Capacity Steady Rest. Fully Integrated Coolant System. Full Length Splash Guard &amp, Coolant Return. Large Easy-to-Use Foot Brake. Articulating Halogen Work Lamp. Centrally Located Controls w/ Jog Button. Threading Dial. Mounting Pads &amp, Levelers. Spindle Sleeve (MT-7 to MT-5). Dead Center. Live Center. Tool Box &amp, Adjusting Tools